Ladies and gentleman the following film review is being written by a guy who see the world through red and blue tinted eyes, at least for a week.
I’m not a big Jason fan, in fact, I am not really big on the oaf. God strike me down! This one starts out amusing enough though, specifically by having a girl try to pass me a joint in 3D. Maybe that’s the secret, get blitzed and Jason becomes super entertaining.
The movie features some pretty neato death scenes in 3D. Watch for the one featuring an eyeball near the end. 3D doesn’t necessarily mean a better movie but it definitely worked for Jason in this case. In fact, dare I say, I enjoyed the heck out of this film because of the 3D. Constantly having poles, knives, and other objects shooting at your face is a great way to watch a slasher flick.
Although in 3D, it’s still a slasher flick and since everyone on planet Earth knows the plot I am just going to point out the moronic things that happen in list form.
- A girl who has already been through one Camp Crystal Lake experience involving Jason goes back to the lake.
- Thug at grocery store wears chain akin to Flavor Flav.
- Thugs communicate by making odd grunting noises.
- Teen worried about the logistics of having sex in a hammock.
- Asshole fat kid gets all emo.
- Guy enjoys handstands way too much, literally.
- Screams are assumed to be orgasms in over 90% of cases.
- Potheads are terrible at making popcorn.
- Touching a circuit breaker causes mass electrocution and death.
- Door opens miraculously in order to help Jason carry a victim outside.
- Body falls from tree and stops just inches in front of heroine, who randomly happened to be outside at that exact moment (multiply this by 3).
- Black guy randomly appears only to be killed again within seconds.
Snore Factor ZZZ