My Bloody Valentine 3D

March 27, 2010 11:44 am 0 comments ,

The original has that je ne sais quoi that makes it a favorite of mine.  I only begrudgingly watch remakes but for 3D, I say what the hell.

Right off the bat I’m enthused. Detective “Thrill Me” Cameron from Night of the Creeps plays the sheriff investigating a brutal murder in a hospital that will make the weak stomached queasy. If only there was more of him and less of everyone else.

To the film’s credit, within the first few minutes there a some exceptionally gory deaths including some completely unexpected ocular violence that delivers a good shock.

Ten years later, the unlucky small town is preparing for another Valentine’s Day while still coping with the past murders. A young man, that I am going to call Mine Boy, is intent on selling the town mine to some outsiders.  The killer is a dude who wears a mine mask and uses his trusty axe to dispose of his victims.

The town itself is full of hotties to the point where it is almost ridiculous. Almost every female in the movie is a model, the nude hooker being the highlight of the film. I just get sick of new school horror where everyone looks like some cookie cutter Twilight knock-off. Not to mention, the acting is below sub-par as a whole.

The 3D seems bland and lacks creativity, even the colors seem more washed out than I would expect from a newer 3D film. The 3D basically adds nothing to the film.

Angry for misdeed committed by Mine Boy’s father and some of the others in town the masked killer decides to go on a murder spree of epic proportions.  Mine Boy and the new sheriff become involved in a dispute over the sheriff’s wife.  Some other stuff happens but who cares.

Skip this and watch the original, unless you like slicked up new school horror with pretty people destined to star in Mentos commercials.

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 2009

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