The Creeps 3D

This movie sat on my shelf for about 5 years before watching it today. It probably should have stayed there. This movie does not have a single redeeming moment. Not a one. Zero. Zilch. Zip. It’s politically incorrect, sexist, poorly acted, poorly written, yet remains fun to watch. Yes. You will become stupider by watching it. But you could achieve that by watching 2012 also.

The mediocrity of this little flick was in most cases by design. It is a Full Moon flick after all. Lowered expectations should be assumed. I have a hard time tearing apart a movie that purposely sucks. Movies that try to be good and still suck are a different story entirely (ie..pretty much every horror remake out there).

On to the plot. And what a plot it is! A mad scientist is stealing first edition horror novels, in order to bring to life the characters of the books with a special sort of machine that can do just that. It only works with first editions, no cheap paperback knockoffs here. The scientist’s aim is to deliver the most famous movie monsters into the real world. Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy, and Frankenstein are his targets. Oh and the best part, the mad scientist’s machine works, with one tiny catch. All the monsters end up as midgets. Oh boy! Oh boy!

There is an uptight lesbian who has sex with books, a wannabe private eye who works at a video store, and a career librarian become involved through various plot twists also. All of these fine characters exhibit about as much depth as Paris Hilton.

I particularly enjoy the fact that only one of the monsters has any speaking roles. That tells me they already had to push their budget TO THE MAX to hire four little people, leaving them with just enough money to pay one of them to speak. Dracula was the winner of that game of straws and to his credit, Phil Fondacaro, who plays Dracula, does so more convincingly than a lot of guys two feet taller than him have.

The Creeps still follows all the formulaic devices seen in a bad horror movie. Virgin sacrifices, tits, terrible over-acting, bad makeup, and a general lack of seriousness. If you don’t love bad movies, avoid this like herpes.

As for the 3-D aspects, my copy had quite a few ghosts and there wasn’t much in the way of cool effects to speak about. Just mindless fun from a studio that has perfected the odd artistry of suck.

Snore Factor: ZZZ

IMDB 1997