Strays (1991)

May 15, 2010 5:52 pm 0 comments ,

This movie is a CAT-astrophe! Bad pun aside, it’s not a good sign when the best performance in the movie is given by a dog, not a person or even one of the killer cats for which the movie was named.

The movie features cats standing around doing cat things which inherently are not scary, a very inappropriate open mouth kiss, and a telephone man who dies in the pussiest of ways.

A family of three moves into a new house in the country for two reasons, the wife likes and it the price is right. One thing I have learned from horror is when a real estate deal is too good to be true, it probably means your family will die from ghosts, monsters, psychos or even attack cats.

This is the kind of film where incredible coincidence meets incredible stupidity. Had this been played for comedy it may have worked, but the director was intent on trying to make this film scary. My guess is he was smoking the catnip with the co-stars.

Take for example the death of the telephone man. He goes into the cellar, sees a bunch of cats, falls down about 3 feet, and goes into a CAT-atonic state and dies. It’s so bad it must be watched.

The family was quick to determine that a man died in the cellar, right? Especially since the phone is still not working, right? Nope. His truck is towed away super conveniently while he is working and the family chalks it up to a mystery that doesn’t need any follow up.

There is also extensive use of the low-angle-Evil-Dead shot; this indicates anything from creepy cats to a husband walking up on his wife. The sheer amount of fake scares will get on your nerves. I promise.

The cats, as mentioned, are not scary. When the pounce on someone it’s as if someone off camera is just chucking cats on a person. The cats just want to lick themselves and lay around. Not sure if it would be legal, but they should have done something to piss off the cats or used robots instead.

I leave you with one final bad pun.

Strays puuurrrr-colates its way into the movie equivalent of a steaming clump of kitty litter.

Snore Factor ZZZZ

IMDB 1991

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