The Human Centepide (First Sequence)

Call me a fan boy if you must Mr. Ebert, but this is the kind of horror our community so desperately needs. It’s disgusting, nauseating, and most importantly, not a crap-tastic remake.

First of all, holy shit! Having witnessed many a gross out horror film in my day and subsequently many hyped films that have fallen flat; I wasn’t expecting a whole lot out of this flick.

Boy was I wrong.

Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser) is a crazy German. No hyperbole is grandiose enough to fully explain the prior sentence. But I’ll try.

Heiter is a renowned surgeon known for his work in separating conjoined twins. Retired now, he has setup an operating lab in his palatial home to work on his experiments. After spending a lifetime of separating human subjects it seems logical, in a way that only exists in horror movies, that he would opt for combining things like people and dogs. I imagine Dr. Freud would have an opinion on the matter.

The plot is exactly what the title says it will be with the victims, two American girls and a Japanese guy, becoming the famed centipede early on and dealing with trying to escape the mad Doctor. This makes for some incredibly uncomfortable viewing at times and cuts out a lot of unnecessary backstory. Let’s be honest, no one is watching this film to find out about how deep and interesting the girl who plays the middle piece of the puzzle is.

The Human Centipede also provides some valuable lessons not found in other horror films. The first, and this is one is a biggy, if you are the middle of a three-ple the last thing you want to hear from the guy in front of you is, “Shit. I have to Shit.” This also applies to the caboose.

For those aspiring maniacs, another little nugget, joking to the cops about your operating room of death is a near certain way to cast aside any suspicion you might have aroused. On second thought, maybe go with a different plan.

And finally, Ass-to-Mouth-to-Ass-to-Mouth is the new Ass-to-Ass. Sorry Requiem for a Dream, you’ve been bested.

Easily one of the most disturbing movies made in recent memory. You will feel sick – that’s a guarantee.

Snore Factor Z

IMDB 2009

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