The Crazies (2010)

With so much hype around this remake I decided to sit down and watch the blu-ray. Why do I do such stupid things?

This movie should be renamed. My suggestion is Lemony Snickets: A Series of Incredibly Fortunate Events for the Protagonists. A little long, yes, but would serve much better notice of what to expect.

Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood) plays a small town Sherriff living the comfortable and quaint life that only Middle America can provide. That is, until the town’s water source is polluted by, predictably, some sort of government experiment gone wrong. The townsfolk turn into murdering assholes. Meanwhile, Timothy decides to go play action hero to save his wife. Yawn.

What surprises me is the current IMDB rating over 6.7. Really? Are horror fans and audiences so stupid that they enjoyed this movie? Oh that’s right! Cheap scares are now considered quality filmmaking.

As I alluded to, Timothy and friends are the beneficiaries of some of the most ridiculous last second saves I have ever seen. No less than three separate times, someone comes from out of absolutely nowhere to save of the protagonists with a last second gun shot. Zombie about to kill you? No worries, the deputy from four scenes ago will just happen to be walking by your house and look into the upstairs bedroom and shoot the zombie literally one second before you suffer an inescapable death. Just flat out stupid and lazy filmmaking.

In fact, the whole film is pretty much slicked up new school horror garbage. It’s neither scary nor suspenseful. Unless of course, you think fake jump scares are a good thing. And if you do, go suck it.

This is old and rehashed material that shouldn’t have been made in the first place; let alone by a director who must have thought he was making an action packed music video.

Skip this and watch Twilight – I imagine it is better.

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 2010