Blades – Killer Lawn Mower

Over the course of my life I have often entertained many a strange thought. One of which is why there aren’t more horror films about killer lawnmowers. Lawnmower Man sounded promising, but alas, ended up being more about computers and Pierce Brosnan wankery than lawn mowing death machines. Oh well, at least we have Blades.

What we have here is a Jaws on a golf course, minus the budget, actors, script, and coherency of the masterpiece.

A killer lawn mower is loose on a golf course right before a big TV event. A drunk, who happens to be the head golf pro, is called upon to help rid the course of the killing machine, of course. He partners with a woman who hates him because he recently took the job she wanted. The owner of the course busies himself with covering up all the murders so he can bank some money from the TV tournament.

Ready to make people-mulch since 1989!

After the first few deaths a cop is brought in from Scotland Yard (movie is set in Nevada and therefore makes zero sense). His response. A single maniac did it and it’s no big deal because, “you can’t drag corpses around for long without getting caught.” That is some logic right there. Just lie around and wait for a guy with some dead bodies to fall in your lap. His other main contribution was starting a, “maniac hunt” (his words) by deputizing everyone and creating what becomes a lynch mob.

As for the main characters, most of the first hour or so is full of them bickering about how he is a jerk and she used to like him. Ok. We get it. He is a drunk who blew his chance at the big time. This drags on as long as conversation with your ex right after you break up. You know the kind. Long, pointless, and probably leads to make-up sex.

Now to the mowing down of people…i.e. the important part. Sadly, there are far too few many on screen deaths. The majority of the carnage is simply found after the fact. The exception being the last 15 minutes which really amps up the craziness and gore.

The acting is beyond repair. The movie falls somewhere in-between pure horror and parody. The actors though, didn’t get the message and either took themselves way too serious or didn’t react to anything. Several times the lawn mower is making people-mulch and nobody around seems to care much. Like it happens every day.

This is a movie about a killer lawn mower. You already know what you are getting yourself into.

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 1989

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