Plaguers

Touché Netflix. Touché. You got me. I was lured in by phrases such as “sexy intergalactic pirates disguised as nurses” and “blood thirsty alien zombies.” I thought to myself, sure, I like sexy nurses and I like alien zombies. What a great combo! How bad can it be?

Plaguers plays out like a rejected porn script turned into a feature horror movie with all the nudity taken out. Think about it. Yes, I agree, it is a scary thought. This film is 86 minutes of my life I wish I had back.

In the distant future a group of hot nurse pirates (wearing knee-high silver boots and short purple skirts) have overtaken a spaceship. These nurses are mostly hot and mostly stupid. Another spaceship comes along and picks up the sexy nurses and brings them onboard because they are also mostly stupid. It’s a match made in heaven.

Eventually, the nurses try to overrun the ship, but just about then, a green orb, that is also onboard, starts turning everyone into space zombies. Now it’s a race to save…blah blah blah.

I have seen better acting from a potato chip. No joke. I actually took a chip out of a bag and watched it for 3 minutes and it showed much more depth than any of the acting that was demonstrated in this film.

The choreography is laughable and provides for plenty of unintentional camp. I think they used the practice takes for the real thing. Not good, not good at all.

The production values are on par with most porn, but that is an insult to porn. Porn rarely doesn’t accomplish the desired result, whereas this film doesn’t accomplish anything but wasting your time. The special effects on the zombies were pretty good, though I wonder if that is just a result of how uninspiring everything else is in the film.

This film did win the prestigious “Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy Feature” at the 2008 Mid-Ohio-Con Film Festival. I feel like there has got to be some good jokes in there, but I will leave it alone. Maybe no one else in Mid-Ohio submitted a feature length film that year.

If you still watch this, don’t pretend you weren’t warned. If you don’t believe me, just watch the trailer below.

Snore Factor: ZZZZZ (Countin’ sheep within minutes)

IMDB 2008

Trailer:

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    “Plaguers plays out like a rejected porn script turned into a feature horror movie with all the nudity taken out.”

    So there’s no reason to watch it at all.