Vampires: Out for Blood

Please, someone believe this guy!

Ever think Kevin Dillon (Entourage) should get an Oscar nod for his contributions to the craft of acting? Me neither. And after watching this movie that opinion won’t change (Though, his Entourage role seems a perfect fit). This B-movie SyFy channel vampire tale is cheesy, dumb, and a whole lotta mindless fun.

Dillon is a bit of douche and a cop. Yep, this is a cop movie to boot. His ex-wife dumped him for being a jerk. Now he stalks her while she jogs through parks. Creepy, right? His ex is a famous vampire book writer, so by default eventually becomes the vampire expert. Clichéd enough? Oh, there is a lot more.

Drama, err, Dillon finds a den of vampires while trolling around investigating a missing persons case. After attending a trashy vampire orgy in an abandoned hospital, which includes the slaying of tons of people, Dillon runs to tell the world about his find. Predictably, no one believes him. Not even his boss, Lance Henriksen, who has lived through aliens, hellraising, and pumpkin monsters. He’s like the ONE guy who should believe any story! Then again, how could anyone believe Dillon, the vamps literally remove their orgy nest, all the bodies, blood, and remnants within the time it takes Dillon to make a phone call. This makes as much sense as it sounds.

Could I be any lamer?

Need another cliché? Dillon was also bitten at some point and now is in a race against the clock to save him from turning into a vampire. So let’s check up on clichés. We have a cop no one believes, a super convenient ex-wife/vampire expert, a police captain who doesn’t believe it ‘til he sees it, a vampire orgy den, along with Dillon’s turning problem.

As if it all of that wasn’t enough, the filmmakers decide to throw in the old “maybe it’s all in his mind” plot device. Thank God for another cliché! The movie was almost starting to make sense.

Sadly, the movie doesn’t embrace the ridiculousness enough. Had they gone the extra mile this film may have become a schlock classic, but alas, it plays it right between extreme silliness and average vamp trash. And fails at both miserably.

Still, I love bad vampire movies and would recommend this to any fans with similar taste. I’m a sucker for crap, what can I say?

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 2004

Trailer:

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