Piranha 3D

It always makes me laugh when I read reviews on a movie and a reviewer says, “Make no mistake, this movie won’t be confused for Schindler’s List.” No shit, Sherlock.  A movie about a bunch of Piranha eating scantily clothed large breasted women during spring break won’t be like Schindler’s List? Count me out then. No way am I watching that. I was really hoping for a modern retelling of Spielberg’s classic WWII film, but on a lake, with more boobage, and even more Nazis. Love Nazis, especially when they are zombified. Oh well, I guess I will continue to wait.

Since there are about a million fantastic reviews online of this film (particularly within the horror blogger community); I feel like mixing it up a bit and writing down some random thoughts about the film instead of a full blown review.

• Richard Dreyfuss is super awesome for making an appearance (albeit a short one).
• Ving Rhames kinda died like a pussy, it was cool and all, but I expected more from him. His Oscar speech on the other hand…
• The French Piranha 3D is the throwback poster of the year (thus far).
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• I loved the little girl who called out Kelly Brook for having nice boobs within seconds of meeting her. I was thinking the exact same thing.
• Eli Roth cameos were cool, but now they are like Betty White since the Internet got her an Emmy award- still cool, but played out.
• From now on, I will be referring to good spots as “The G-Spots” just like Jerry O’Connell did in the film.
• On a related note, Jerry O’Connell is hilarious. I wonder if the sleazeball from Girls Gone Wild is pissed. Oh, wait, here’s some info. What an asshat!
• At no point did Piranha 3D *pop* off the screen like real 3D should. Sad it wasn’t shot with a true 3D camera. 2D post converts = unhappy movie goers.
• More proof that James Cameron (scorned director of Piranha 2) is a douche.
• Christopher Lloyd (as a fish expert) along with the screenwriters should have known that the plural of piranha is piranha.
• 3D Double-D breasts are both amazing and underused in cinema. Also, porn.
• The idea of a sequel set at The Full Moon Party in Thailand is fantastic.
• You are probably still staring at that picture of Kelly Brook’s boobs.

Snore Factor: Z (One of the best)

IMDB 2010