This movie is not scary. Before you throw knives and chairs at me, let me explain. It all boils down to two words – David Caruso. I know us horror fans are lenient with bad acting, but this guy makes Bill Shatner look like Sydney Poitier. He is absolutely unwatchable to anyone with a working brain (sorry to the 21 million weekly viewers of CSI: Caruso, but let’s face it, you are what’s wrong with America). He is such an asshat that, and I have this on good authority, he does not allow anyone on CSI the pleasure of wearing sunglasses if they are in the same scene as him. Seriously.
Session 9 is about a group of guys who work in the exciting world of asbestos removal. They get a nice high-paying job by undercutting the competition, a douche move for sure, to clean out an old mental asylum. The asylum is the only thing in the film, besides Caruso’s acting, that is truly chilling. The place presents a brooding creepy atmosphere for the predictable and overtly clichéd occurrences in the film.
So, basically the guys wander around the asylum and try not to die. Sometime they do the job they are being paid for, but mostly they do nothing memorable or interesting. One guy, instead of working or helping out in dire situations, sits around and listens to old tapes which contain interviews with previous guests of the State. He does this with literally every chance he gets. I rooted for him to get Mesothelioma throughout the whole film, which would have made a lot more sense than the actual movie.
Caruso on the other hand is pretty much just there for comic relief. This was not done on purpose, but every time I see him I laugh. This happens a lot. There is also a crazy guy (the boss) who has a nasty habit of killing people. The filmmakers want you to believe this has something to do with a creepy hallway shot of a chair. But rest assured it doesn’t. He is just a nut job. For some reason, Caruso protects the crazy guy. For really no reason other than to convolute the plot.
I normally like slow burning psychological horror films, and this one tried to be that. But with terrible acting, script, pacing, and direction Session 9 just isn’t recommendable. Also, if you pay attention (not even that close) you can pick up on the ending. It isn’t clever! At all!
Stop buying the hype people, this one is a resounding dud.
Snore Factor: ZZZZ (Countin’ sheep within minutes)