Session 9

This movie is not scary. Before you throw knives and chairs at me, let me explain. It all boils down to two words – David Caruso. I know us horror fans are lenient with bad acting, but this guy makes Bill Shatner look like Sydney Poitier. He is absolutely unwatchable to anyone with a working brain (sorry to the 21 million weekly viewers of CSI: Caruso, but let’s face it, you are what’s wrong with America). He is such an asshat that, and I have this on good authority, he does not allow anyone on CSI the pleasure of wearing sunglasses if they are in the same scene as him. Seriously.

Session 9 is about a group of guys who work in the exciting world of asbestos removal. They get a nice high-paying job by undercutting the competition, a douche move for sure, to clean out an old mental asylum. The asylum is the only thing in the film, besides Caruso’s acting, that is truly chilling. The place presents a brooding creepy atmosphere for the predictable and overtly clichéd occurrences in the film.

So, basically the guys wander around the asylum and try not to die. Sometime they do the job they are being paid for, but mostly they do nothing memorable or interesting. One guy, instead of working or helping out in dire situations, sits around and listens to old tapes which contain interviews with previous guests of the State. He does this with literally every chance he gets. I rooted for him to get Mesothelioma throughout the whole film, which would have made a lot more sense than the actual movie.

Caruso on the other hand is pretty much just there for comic relief. This was not done on purpose, but every time I see him I laugh. This happens a lot. There is also a crazy guy (the boss) who has a nasty habit of killing people. The filmmakers want you to believe this has something to do with a creepy hallway shot of a chair. But rest assured it doesn’t. He is just a nut job. For some reason, Caruso protects the crazy guy. For really no reason other than to convolute the plot.

I normally like slow burning psychological horror films, and this one tried to be that. But with terrible acting, script, pacing, and direction Session 9 just isn’t recommendable. Also, if you pay attention (not even that close) you can pick up on the ending. It isn’t clever! At all!

Stop buying the hype people, this one is a resounding dud.

Snore Factor: ZZZZ (Countin’ sheep within minutes)

IMDB 2001

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • allison

    Im so fucking glad im not the only one who saw this on netflix instant, heard the hype, and thought it was just terrible. I cant take that dickwad seriously.
    love the blog, im in school to be a drama screen writer but the horror genre is actually a great study guide for what works and what doesnt.

  • Micah

    Thanks Allison. It’s nice to see another like-minded individual out there. Good luck on you endeavors.

  • Jack Silver

    If you have were not creeped out by the story of forced abortions followed by cannibalism of the fetus then you are so fucked up there is no hope for you anyway.

  • Allison

    Nice try but Session 9 has nothing to do with fetuses or cannibalism. Thanks for playing Jack.

  • Allison

    Had a dream. figured it out. your confusing this crapfest with the asian antholgy movie with the dumplings story. good night.

  • Micah

    I love that you dreamed about Three Extremes. :)

  • Ryan W

    REPORTING IN YEAR 2013: This movie is absolutely terrible. I cannot believe I waited until 5:00am est time to find out – what I already guessed – that Gordon killed a bunch of people. But how was this related to Mary Hobbs? Answer: it wasn’t. And how was this related to the beef between Phil and Hank? Answer: it wasn’t. This movie should have never been born.