You know how some things seems like a good idea at the time? Especially after a hitting the sauce for a few hours at the local watering hole. By dawn it usually becomes crystal clear that those ideas may not be based on the soundest logic. To quote someone much more articulate than I, “What’s so simple by the moonlight, by the morning never is.” This phrase fits this movie perfectly, not to mention a recent weekend of mine.
A young American writer is challenged by Edgar Allan Poe (Klaus Kinski) to spend a night in a haunted castle in Europe. Exercising typical American movie bravado, the young writer accepts the challenge even though all signs point to it being a mistake. Not to mention it’s only for 10 measly pounds. But hey, some things are just meant to be, right?
The castle is supposedly empty, but upon arrival it clearly isn’t. While playing the piano a chick in a painting comes to life. Yes, the chick in the painting. The writer brushes this aside and falls in love with her within about 5-6 minutes. You just can’t stop true love. Or the need to bone random girls that materialize out of paintings. Of course, he did have a shot of whiskey to aid this decision. Other people come out of the woodwork and it becomes clear that something is off with the whole lot. Like they might all be dead already.
Lots of mood, not a lot of plot. It’s very gothic and not exactly entertaining. But the mood is expertly set. The thought of staying in a haunted castle, alone, thousands of miles from home is a scary proposal indeed. The music is sufficiently creepy, even though a few key pieces are used over and over.
At nearly two hours long, Web of the Spider is way too long. I don’t need to see people ball room dancing, uninterrupted, for six minutes at a time. Now naked ball room dancing for six minutes would be another story, but alas, there is only the smallest amount of nudity in the whole film. Coupled with almost zero action/deaths, there just isn’t much going on.
The young writer most certainly regretted his decision to accept the bet by the film’s end. But hey, there is something to be said about throwing caution to the wind. Without risk, there is no reward.
Snore Factor: ZZZ
Kinski as Poe: