Charlton Heston is in this film for one hour and forty minutes. That is right at the limit of time I want to spend with most people that I like. Any further time spent is tedious and boring. Charlton Heston is not one of my favorite actors or people. Therefore, inductive (or is it deductive?) reasoning allows me to declare that this movie is boring. And there is no arguing with logical fallacies. They are always right.
This film is about ancient Egyptian mummy curses and boredom. That isn’t what the DVD description will tell you, but they are dirty liars (like that last girl I dated). Yes, there is a bit of incest. Yes, there is a bit of action. No, none of it is exciting. This is just flat-out another sleeper. I think they wanted to cash in on the Exorcist theme with the possession plotline, but failed miserably. If I wanted to listen to sleep inducing dialogue from Moses all day, I would watch The Ten Commandments. “What change is there in me? Egyptian or Hebrew, I am still Moses…” Yawn!
The plot in a nutshell. Moses is an archaeologist looking for the tomb of an unknown queen. He drags his seven month pregnant wife along for the trip. He leaves her behind in camp while he searches the desert with his hot assistant. This goes over as well as you would expect it would. The wife no likey. Eventually, he finds the tomb and upon opening it unleashes a curse on his baby-to-be.
The next hour or so tiny little subtle things happen that further the possession storyline. Like one interesting thing per 15 minutes stuffed between 14 minutes of melodramatic dialogue. The best scene? Some nosy do-gooder getting hung by a rope around his neck and tossed like a ragdoll down a cliff.
I wish there was more to talk about. Like Heston getting crazy on some Egyptian mummy ass with a bunch a guns. But alas, nothing even close to awesome happens. It’s a thriller with no thrills. The end is dreadful as well.
Just know that every time someone watches this movie, a thousand kittens are murdered from beyond the grave by Heston himself. And that’s not a fallacy.
Snore Factor: ZZZZ (Sleepy time)
SPOILER – End of movie: