Alright, today’s film is an Italian Giallo. I actually haven’t viewed very many of these types of films for this project. So what the heck. Tonight’s as good as a night as any other, right? Giallos to me are akin to watching a live action game of Clue. Was it Colonel Mustard in the library with the rope? You just have to watch and find out. Except unlike Clue, Giallos are usually blood soaked and terribly dubbed. Eyeball fitting that mold perfectly.
A group of Americans travel abroad to 1970’s Spain (not in a time machine, but because the movie takes place in the 1970′s) intent on having an awesome vacation. They have one little tiny problem. A killer in red with a penchant for stealing eyeballs is amongst them. Who could it be? Oh, the mystery!
Luckily for the viewer, several of the tourists are hotties (if you like hotties that is). And even luckier, some of them are lesbians. Which as you know is THE magic word for getting a guy to watch a movie. If you say, “It’s a timeless tale about overcoming obstacles and the rising up of one girl’s love to fairytale-like heights” no self-respecting guy would watch it. But add, “Oh, and she’s a lesbian” and now you have the makings of a blockbuster. I’m not proud of it, but that is just the way it is. Eyeball manages to throw in plenty of gratuitous female nudity along with rampant lesbianism.
As far as trying to figure out the killer, good luck. I had no clue because the whole thing was so damn silly. After about half the tour group has their eyes gouged out, the group decides they might as well stick with it and see the trip out. Really? I would like to think I have the smarts that if put in a similar situation after the second person on my tour had their eye removed, that I would be the hell out of there. The tourists are just like, “Hey! We paid for this damn trip and we gonna get our money’s worth. I done don’t care that nearly everyone that started this tour has been knifed to death and mutilated, by God I’m going to see Seville’s Goddam Cathedral even if it kills me.” It does.
With all the red herrings mixed in and lesbianism I’m not sure trying to figure out the killer while watching is even worth a shot. I focused on the laughably bad reactions of the tourists and the cops. With the cops being nearly the most useless people I have seen on film in a while. Typically, the cops show up. Do nothing. Leave. And never follow up on obvious clues. Rinse and repeat for 90 minutes.
All in all though, I have a soft spot for bad Italian cinema. Therefore I recommend this Giallo to fellow lovers. Just make sure this isn’t your first foray into this kind of cinema. There are much better ones out there.
Snore Factor: ZZZ