Grave of the Vampire

September 28, 2010 12:54 pm 1 comment , , , , ,

Time for a little grave rape.

This film got me thinking. I really should make a list of horror films that start out with major excellence and then lull you to sleep before closing out with a bang. Sometimes the filler in the middle is pretty hilarious, though. And Grave of the Vampire has such moments. Why do I say that you may ask? Simple. Part of the filler involves a plot line about a vampire who teaches night school. In a related note, this is now my favorite vampire film featuring a vampire that teaches night school.

A vampire gets bored of being dead, so he pops out his cemetery grave. He spots a couple teens fooling around in a car and promptly rips the door off the car. I love when bad guys rip car doors off. It always seems ridiculous. The vamp then launches the dude onto a grave stone and helps himself to the guy’s neck. The girl just lies around and screams until the vampire decides to impregnate her.

Yes, this is one of those movies where females are completely useless objects, inclined to being paralyzed with fear in roughly 80% of the scenes.

Eventually, the rape victim has a baby boy, his name is Blade. He is what’s known as a “Day Walker” in the horror community. Or something like that. The bastard half vampire child grows up with an over-sized revenge complex. He wants to kill daddy. At this point, you may be saying to yourself, “This sounds pretty sweet!” I certainly was.

The maker of this credit has been sacked.

Alas, it’s all downhill for the next hour. But you do get to find out what vampires do between rape and sleeping in dirt. That is, of course, teaching night school! There is a lot of banter about vampire motivation and a mysterious library book. And I can’t forget about the random ‘70s party which spontaneously occurred when, “we called some people and started to play some records.”

Basically, skip the entire middle of the film and you will be much better off. Unless you need a spot of sleep.

One of my favorite parts of the film is the cop who immediately thinks a vampire is responsible for a murder. His first question to a witness, “Was it still light outside when you saw this man?” Apparently, in the cop’s mind, all murders should be assumed to be committed by vampires until proven otherwise.

The end is exciting and attempts to make up for the near hour of boredom it follows. The final frame comes complete with a question mark ending, as in, “The End?” Was this really the ending? Why is there a question mark? Is Monty Python in charge of these credits? Since there is no Grave of the Vampire 2: Back to Night School, I think it’s safe to say that is was over.

And for my more astute readers, this movie is a whole lot like the film I reviewed yesterday (Grace). One could say that a lot of the basic plot for Grace was lifted from this film, if one wanted to.

Snore Factor: ZZZ (awesome, then sleepy, then awesome)

IMDB 1974


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  • Cassandra Morrison

    It wasn’t the end. Ever hear of the BLADE Trilogy? This is to that what MANHUNTER was to SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.