In nature, when a rare combination of events combine to create circumstances that lead to the worst possible scenario, it is called a perfect storm. When that happens in movies, it’s called Troll 2. Sure, by now you know that this flick is widely considered one of the worst films ever made. Sure, it absolutely fails on every level. But it is SOOO much fun to watch.
When you experience (and “experience” is absolutely the right word) a film like Troll 2 you must be in a certain kind of mood. That mood is best described as insane. Because sane people would never watch this. Ever. In a million years.
First of all, the movie features a grand total of zero trolls. A ballsy move if there ever was one. It does, however, feature the most stilted acting captured on film. And it’s not just one character or two who are terrible thespians. No. It is literally everyone. Trying to pick out the worst actor in this film is a lesson in futility. Just watch the clip below to get a good idea of the level of acting. But please, put down the glass of milk you are drinking. I don’t want to be responsible for people snorting milk through their noses upon viewing the clip.
The plot revolves around a family on vacation in the middle of a small town called Nilbog (Goblin spelled backwards!!!!). They are terrorized by vegetarian goblins. Yes, vegetarians. This would seem to make the people safe, right? No. The goblins force various food products upon unsuspecting tourists. These special products turn the people into chlorophyll. Then the goblins eat up. It is as ridiculous as it sounds.
There is also a ghost of a dead grandpa who comes and goes whenever he pleases. Dead Grandpa can stop time when he wants, but only chooses to use this power randomly and in not very useful situations. Other characters include (outside of the family of four): Crazy store guy, weird creepy chick who uses corn on the cob for seduction purposes, boyfriend who is clearly gay and a host of townsfolk and goblins.
The goblin costumes are believable, though. If you were born in different century. They consist of a burlap sack and some rubber. Special effects at their lowest point. Almost as bad as the music, which is entirely composed on a cheap keyboard and rarely makes sense in relation to the film.
Troll 2 does contain several important lessons that people should take note of. First, how do you stop people from eating dinner? Troll 2 recommends peeing on the food. Another one. How do you seduce a teenage boy? Rub him down with an ear of corn, naturally. Important stuff people. Important stuff indeed.
Snore Factor: ZZZZZ (One of the worst films in existence, but it will undoubtedly keep you up)