The Lost Boys: The Thirst

Death to all vampires! Maximum body count!

The Frog brothers are back together for the first time since 1987 in the third installment of the Lost Boys franchise. After the abortion of a film that is The Tribe, many horror fans (myself included) were decidedly cautious about The Thirst. Is it even worth another go? Should fans stick with the original? Pretend the sequels weren’t made? Well, surprisingly The Thirst is a lot of bloody goofy fun.

Edgar Frog is down on his luck. With most of his close friends dead or turned, his rent past due, and little to no discernable skills outside of a grufftastic voice, it’s safe to say the Edgar has seen better days. Enter Stephanie Meyer, err, Gwen Lieber, a writer of crappy romantic vampire novels, whose brother was kidnapped by real vampires. The kind that don’t sparkle. Gwen recruits the old vampire hunter and a rag-tag crew including a douchebag reality actor and a comic book clerk to help save her little brother.

While the vampires aren’t as worthless as they are in Twilight books, they are by no means frightening or badass. The head vampire is a big-time DJ who is still into raves. In fact, it’s his big rave in San Cazador that serves as climax of the film. Hey, 1999 called and it wants it glow sticks back. The vampires are also into skydiving, some of them do this while wearing 5-inch heels. As grandpa would say (if he was still around), “If there’s one thing I hate about San Cazador, it’s all the damn skydiving vampires.”

We like to skydive!

The best moments come from Feldman’s over-the-top cheesy dialogue. The film is presented with much less gravitas than the prior sequel. And that is a good thing. Feldman’s character in the first film was mostly comic relief. It only makes sense that the film should have plenty of fun with him in the lead role. And the Feldster does deliver several great lines. One of my personal favorites being, “Vampires are like ten times stronger than grizzly bears.” His comedic timing is spot on and his random grunts are sure to please.

If you are looking for gore and boobs, The Thirst delivers both in spades. Plenty of blood flows, squirts, and oozes all over the screen. The deaths are pretty decent and feature everything from live heart removal to weird spikey grenade thing. Yes, Edgar brings plenty of new “toys” to play with at the vampire killing party. And as mentioned, several sets of breasts are freed from the tyranny of the shirt.

While there is a lot to like about this sequel, it adds nothing new to the genre. The Thirst is a basic horror comedy vampire procedural. Some of the acting is lame as well as almost the entire plot. But, unlike the abomination that was The Tribe, this film recaptures some of what made the The Lost Boys such an enjoyable watch. Not a whole lot of it, mind you, but just enough to make it worthy of a view.

Snore Factor: ZZZ (Middle of the road)

IMDB 2010


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