Demonic Toys

October 14, 2010 10:08 am 0 comments ,

I'm a foul mouthed f*ck!

I have been in a bad movie kick of late and it continues today with Puppet Master’s even dumber brother – Demonic Toys. But like all hilariously stupid horror movies (and all of Full Moon Pictures) I have a soft spot for this kind of crap.

It starts off with a couple of cops, who happen to be a couple, having an extremely melodramatic conversation about her breaking the news that they are prego. Once they agree that having a baby is super awesome; they jump out of the car and immediately get into a gun fight. One has to assume the guy saw this as his only out and promptly got himself shot on purpose. Smart man.

The rest of the plot is kinda hard to explain so I won’t try real hard. The filmmakers certainly didn’t. Basically, someone bleeds on some concrete near a bunch of dolls, the dolls come to life, and go on a laughable killing spree. The demon behind all this business is bent on using the womb/baby of the newly single mother-to-be for his devious plans.

Alright, Jack! Give me an order of two tacos for $.99.

You’ve probably heard people say that they’ve seen better acting in a Mentos commercial. This is the movie they are talking about. Baby Oopsy-Daisy actually takes the cake. It’s never a good thing when an inanimate object is the best actor, but hey, with lines like, “I can walk. I can talk. I can even shit my pants.” no one else even had a chance.

It’s important to note, David S. Goyer wrote this film. Then he wrote Batman Begins. What’s that phrase? Something’s rotten in Denmark. It’s truly hard to believe the same guy is responsible for both films.

Nothing makes sense, except for dolls are really good at chewing off faces and using guns. The key with these types of movies is breaking down assumptions and suspending belief. If you believe that everyone is trying to survive you will be vastly disappointed. The “actors” make critical error after critical error. It’s suicide-by-demonic-toy. Which is more fun than suicide by pill overdose. Plus, you know want to see someone get their eyes poked out by a possessed doll.

In this sub-genre I rate this one behind: Magic, Child’s Play, Dolls, and Puppet Master. It is, however, a necessary view. How else can you prepare for the glory that is Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.


Snore Factor: ZZZ (Terrible, but fun to watch)

IMDB 1992

Trailer:

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