Rock “N” Roll Nightmare

This movie is one of the finer things ever captured on film.

Written and produced by muscle rock inventor Jon Mikl Thor, yes, THOR, comes the ultimate Rock “N” Roll Nightmare! (Spoilers ahead). A hair band featuring THOR as the lead singer travel to a house in the country to practice their rocking and sex. Unfortunately, demons are afoot and one by one the band members are possessed. Satan appears and THOR reveals that he is an Archangel, wearing tiny metal stud underwear, who has set a trap for Lucifer. I promise I didn’t make that up. If you aren’t interested by now then you never were.

The movie begins with a seemingly unrelated short film about a Canadian mother that gets eaten by her oven, or something close to that. After ten minutes of watching a van drive down the road it shows up at, gasp, the same house where the mother was eaten by a stove. Important note: This was not a “rape stove” nor a “Death Bed”, but in fact just a regular stove.

We are introduced to Triton, the regional and moderately successful hair band and their manager. They have come to the house to practice their rocking. They have brought their girlfriends along with them. I am not one to start a blamestorm, but having your girlfriends with you seems like a bad idea if you are going to do serious work – which they supposedly were. Ladies, please don’t hate. You are all beautiful in your own way.

The band practices in the studio barn, which Alice Cooper built a few years before. Not making this up. They sing such hits as, “We live to Rock”, and “Give me Energy”. A puppet shows up, this things looks like a penis with a big eyeball on the end and has a bad attitude. It pukes some fluid into a drink of an unsuspecting girlfriend. She turns into a demon and eats the manager.

We are now privied with lots of sex scenes. Every member of the band is gettin’ some, including THOR. His girlfriend and him participate in some of the most awkward kissing scenes ever filmed, specifically the shower scene (which is about 5 minutes long). What strikes me as odd is no band member does drugs at all. They drink Coca-Cola! Tons of sex and Coca-Cola, that is it!

All the band members, except mighty THOR with his dreamy hair and muscles, are taken by the demon. Eventually, his possessed girlfriend, who is now Satan, reveals his true self. THOR tells the demon that he didn’t kill anyone and that all the members of the band were just imaginary characters that he created in order to trap Satan here and fight him. He also reveals his true self as an Archangel. None of this makes sense, but it’s so out there that it works.

The only thing that can be said about this ridiculous plot twist and why mighty THOR decided to go this far over the top is, “because it goes to eleven”. Duh!

The fight rages on. By rages I mean someone off camera hucks rubber starfish at THOR while he pretends they are sticking to him and causing pain. This is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen! Of all the attacks the devil could muster I would have never guessed he would throw rubber starfish. I mean, what are the odds of that! Too bad the devil didn’t win because THOR, in his utterly disgusting tiny metal stud underwear is sight that no one can ever un-remember. The image will haunt your dreams for years to come (as it has mine).

Seriously, just watch the scene below. Your mind will melt – guaranteed.

Rating: 5/10 (5 points deducted due to mental damage metal underwear caused)

Snore Factor: Z (one of the best rock ‘n roll horror films)

IMDB: 1987

End of Movie (SPOILER):

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  • tromeric

    Love it. I still remember finding this VHS at some random video store in North Idaho and buying it just based off the cover and title. It blew my mind and has continued to for all these years. Have you seen Intercessor? It’s the sequel.

  • Micah

    I’ve literally looked everywhere for Intercessor (outside of just forking over the 20 bucks for a copy from Amazon). Does it even come close to the level of greatness?

  • tromeric

    Not really but it is a must see if your a fan.

  • tommytomtom

    like some of your reformatting. classy. Great movie too, it ranks up there among bad horror movie greatness

  • Micah

    Thank tommy, trying to class up the joint a little bit. :)