Vampyres

Another sexy female vampire movie has been watched for this project. I like to think that every time someone watches a sleazy vampire flick a Twilight fan gets punched in the face.

Vampyres is centered on two lesbians who also happen to be vampires. They travel around rural areas and seduce the local folk – both male and females. After the seducing comes the killing and drinking of blood. These chicks are thirsty. All of this is combined with just enough soft-core to make it late 90’s Skinamax worthy.

The film opens in a seen that makes no sense and doesn’t really move beyond the initial level of confusion. What it lacks for in plot (bunches) makes up for in vampyre boobs. It’s a trade off that will not be getting a lot of complaints from the official office of  men.

The lesbos manage to consistently outsmart the local cops. This is easy to do when the cops are dumber than their peers from Keystone. After knifing the crap out of their victims, slurping up the blood, and removing all of the victim’s clothing the vampyres simply stage a car accident and chuck the body close. The cops show up pull out the body and assume it’s another car wreck – without question.

This guy Ted (every time I hear the name Ted I think of Four Rooms) falls into the “humans are delicious trap”, but lucky (or unlucky depending on your take) for him one of the vamps takes a liking to him. Instead of playing with sharp objects around him they often like to sex him up.

This film is only awesome if you like naked women. If you don’t, there are approximately zero legit reasons to spend an afternoon or, God forbid, and evening with this film. The thing with gratuitous nudity though, is there will ALWAYS be an audience. The chicks were great (to look at) minus the fact that they were clearly dubbed. Then again, they weren’t exactly hired for their wonderful, cushy, motor-boat worthy and ample acting talents.

If you figure out what the hell is really going on with the plot, please let me know. I am still unsure of a great many things about this film (the least bit being the cops stupidity), but I am satiated with all the breasts I can handle in one film.

Rating: 5.5/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZ (You will sleep. You will wake up. You will see boob.)

IMDB 1974

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