Killer Condom

November 4, 2010 8:40 pm 4 comments , , ,

This is the only German language carnivorous condom homosexual surrealist love story that I have watched for this project. And it’s safe to say it will be the only one – unless Hollywood is remaking this. But let’s focus on happy thoughts.

Killer Condom (I would have named it Killer Kondom!) is a gut-busting horror comedy that has a surprisingly touching side. But mostly it’s about condoms that chew off dicks (around 19) or pricks depending on your vernacular.

A cop named Macaroni has a thing for dudes and seedy motels. His Johnson has legendary status – we’re talking Ron Jeremyesque. While he isn’t “putting that thing in guy’s behinds” he is trying to crack the case of why all the guys at his favorite brothel are sans penis. Turns out, it is a condom with teeth. A brutal nasty dick-thirsty condom that enjoys gobbling penis more than those guys from the Jersey Shore.

Macaroni’s other past time includes spurting out random thoughts and advice. I think the guy should write a book. Something like Chicken Soup for Guys Who Don’t Want Their Penis’ Eaten and Also Gays. My favorite comes from Macroni talking about the dangers of New York, “Even good girls from Oklahoma ended up biting off some guy’s prick.” I mean, who doesn’t know someone this has happened to?  If I had nickel…

This movie is crude, dirty, kinky and not for everyone. At the same time, it is a quite heart-warming. I know, right. How can a film about dick-eating condoms be heart-warming? Easy. The subplot in the movie involves Macaroni, his new beau and a former lover. The story is cheesy, sure, but it did reach a level of depth that I never thought possible prior to watching. Watch it for yourself and see.

After viewing this film, I got an idea. If you are woman scorned by a douchebag who cheated on you and you wish you could go Lorena Bobbit on him, but fear what would happen to you in prison; watch Killer Condom and Teeth as a double feature. It’s sure to to cheer you up.

Moral of this story: This movie does one thing and it does it well. That thing: Not giving me wood.

Rating: 6/10

Snore Factor: ZZZ

IMDB 1996


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  • Sean Thompson

    That’s a lot of severed dicks. Getting past Teeth numbers there.

  • Micah

    Yeah, and the dicks routinely flop around and spray blood once removed. All of this was weird because essentially the message of this film is, “Don’t wear a condom.”

  • Pete

    LOL for the moral

    I think I’ll pass this one :)

  • Pete

    LOL for the moral

    I think I’ll pass this one :)