Growth

Nipping out for the benefit of humankind

This was one of the films on my list of potential best direct-to-disc releases of 2010. That was until I watched it. It now has a place on my bottom five of the year. It’s the kind of movie that humans should avoid. On the other hand, human-like creatures with genetically modified worms coursing through their veins might enjoy this. It all boils down to which group you belong to.

Growth suffers from a lot of things, making sense being the number one concern. The character known as Kristin epitomizes this issue. She says things like, “I just want to go to my room and tickle my accordion.” My first thought was to look this phrase up on UrbanDictionary.com. Was it new slang for female masturbation? The possibilities seemed endless. The only thing for sure, “tickle my accordion” had just gained entrance into my lexicon. In fact, I couldn’t wait to try it out one someone – just for the simple fact that it makes no sense at all. Moments later, a friend texted me about my plans for the evening. It was the perfect setup. I simply responded, “Gonna chill out and tickle my accordion. You?” It was a good 45 minutes before a response came back. As it turns out, the girl eventually does play a real accordion. As you can imagine, my disappointment was immense. But I am not going to let that stop me from using the phrase whenever possible. Also, why does the girl bring her accordion on a trip to the woods? Best not to think of these things.

I'm not even sure what this is supposed to be

I’m not done with Kristin just yet. When she isn’t dropping random bombs about accordions, she mostly communicates through the art of drawing sh*t with a sharpie on some guy’s face. I’m just gonna throw this out there; don’t draw on my face with a sharpie, unless I pass out with my shoes on. Then all bets are off. Have fun. I expect no less than a penis and the words “balls” to be written across my forehead. And if you can wake me up and get me to go to breakfast without first checking a mirror, more power to you.

Probably should take about movie now. The plot involves super-worms, experiments, mad scientists and random flashbacks to the 80’s. Basically, worms were created to advance human evolution. They got out and killed a bunch people. 20 years later almost everyone forgot about the killer-worm incident and a bunch of twenty somethings douches decide to vacation where the incident occurred. Brilliant, right?

Compared to Slither this movie is about a negative 2. It’s boring, not scary, not funny – ie..not entertaining. The best part comes from the appearance of Richard Rhiehle, last seen having the right side of his body hacked off by Victory Crowley in Hatchet.

Alright, I am done with this film, plus I desperately need to “tickle my accordion.”

Rating: 3/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZ (I could fall asleep to this)

IMDB 2009

Trailer:

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