Necromentia

What’s the longest you have been able to sit through a Pearry Teo film? For me, it’s usually about 20 minutes give or take. That was before I started this project, of course (now I force myself to complete everything). If you don’t know who Pearry Teo is, consider yourself lucky. If you are wondering, he is like the Asian Uwe Boll – but not as talented. Teo’s wiki says he was a fashion design student drop out who turned into Singapore’s greatest (Read: Only) Hollywood director. Oh, and if you don’t know who Uwe Boll is, you should probably leave.

You’ve seen Necromentia before. It was originally called Hellraiser and Saw IV. But thankfully, Teo thought it would be best if audiences were able to enjoy both movies simultaneously. While Clive Barker’s famed film is a landmark, Teo’s film should be in a landfill (see what I did there?). Everything is stolen. There is literally not one ounce of creativity in the entire movie, unless you count the pig that pushes suicide on children. Funny, though, the film has more in common with Hellraiser than about six of the actual sequels to Hellraiser. I mean for f*ck sake, did the cenobites literally have to be near identical copies? Someone should sue.

Teo must have known the film was incredibly boring. I say this because at some point it was decided that the film should be spliced up into a non-linear format –thus giving it the impression that you might need to pay attention to understand. This was clearly a ploy to hide the fact the film was so poorly thought out that showing it in order would have made most people wish they were in hell. Literally, nothing is interesting or even remotely memorable.

The visual effects, themes, and cues all come straight out of Barker’s film, but they are worse. There is a big difference between creating a disturbing environment and forcing one. The torture porn scenes are dumb and appear to be ripped right out of other films. It’s like a clip show of scenes from better movies, executed poorly by a hack. You may have picked up that I don’t like the director much. While that is correct, I wish him the best and will be the first to praise him if a movie of his manages to not make me want to tear my eyeballs out. I’m not a total ass.

Final Verdict: Necromentia comes off as a suburban goth kid’s paradise, complete with knock off Marilyn Manson music.

Rating: 2/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZZ (I fell asleep 3 times watching the movie)

IMDB 2009

Trailer:

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