The Machine Girl

The is an accurate representation on how blood leaves the human body after a decapitation, right?

I love bat sh*t crazy movies. Therefore, I love The Machine Girl. Most of this movie must be seen to be believed. It’s the kind of film that words could never do justice, unless those words could spray gallons upon gallons of blood at the reader. Or if they could insert a machine gun (strapped to a young coed’s arm) into the burrowed out stomach of a henchman and fire a thousand rounds into an opposing ninja-yakuza dude’s face, turning it into a bloody pulp of tissue. But of course, words can’t do those things. Only Japanese revenge flicks can.

When I see a film like this (around my 3^rd viewing) I am always reminded of my first time. No, not that first time, but my first experience in ridiculous over-the-top gore-soaked cinema. For me it was Evil Dead, followed closely by Dead Alive. For years I thought those to be the two finest examples of splatter-horror comedies. As my palate grew, I began to enjoy the Italian stuff quite a bit, but nothing compared to my first viewing of Riki-Oh (Click link to watch the best thing ever captured on film, ever). Never in my life had I witnessed such awesomeness. The Machine Girl isn’t far behind. The Chinese and the Japanese make the best splatter films. Nothing else is within miles. Period.

No movie is complete without a Drill Bra vs. Chainsaw scene

Ami is a young college student. She has a brother, who is offed by some dudes. Her dad was wrongfully accused of a crime and killed himself. This is important stuff because it means that Ami is going to have to kick a whole lot of ass. Specifically, ass in the form of bad guys who are made out of red liquid and hydraulic spray pumps. The pumps being necessary to spray the red liquid, up to about 50 feet at times, with tremendous pressure. It’s a thing of f*cking beauty.

Besides major killing skills, Ami has a Gatling machine gun for an arm. This is unfortunate for a brave many souls. She is quite good at killing small armies with insane bloody precision. My thought, Ami was already deadly enough, by hacking off one of her arms the bad guys actually helped her become more deadly. Think Ash, with the chainsaw arm – just made him tougher. And oh yeah, there is a chainsaw in this film as well. Would you expect anything less?

Between the frying hand scene, to the dead body shower, to the head soup – you just won’t find many films that deliver on all accounts. The Machine Girl is a rare delight and is an essential film for any gore-loving movie watcher.

One of the finest, funniest and gonzo bloodiest films ever made. Thank you Japan. Also, please send me some of your beautiful girls.

Rating: 8.5/10 (only docking points because of a couple cheesy CGI effects)

Snore Factor: Z

IMDB 2008

Trailer:

Clip of insanity: