A few days ago I watched The Machine Girl. The reason for my viewing was to stave off my excitement for the impending arrival of Japan’s latest insane flick – RoboGeisha. Well, that day arrived. I tore the Amazon box open like a nine year-old at Christmas, ran up stairs, grabbed my dog (he loves this kind of sh*t), and prepared my mind for blowing (that sounds dirty, ha).

Sadly, I was not blown (even dirtier!).

This is easily the weakest in the canon of recent insane bat-sh*t crazy films that include: The Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police and Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. And while that kinda sucks, the film has plenty of jaw dropping moments (just watch the trailer).

The plot is pretty simple. Two sisters vie for the attention of one guy. The guy is a crazy dude by any measuring stick. He has these henchwomen that shoot acid milk out of their boobs (which are covered with devil masks). The two sisters have extrodinary powers and go to training, and of course, during training a whole host of ridiculous weapons are added to their bodies. The list includes: Armpit swords, butt swords (!!!), machine gun boobs, ability to turn into a mini-tank, buzz-saw mouths, throwing stars, and for the select few, knee-cap guns. I probably forgot some, but you get the point – it’s ludicrous.

Just so we are clear, there really is a scene that features a 2 vs. 1 women fight in which they use their butt swords to settle a dispute. It’s as insane as it sounds. I had to watch it twice, right after I watched the fried shrimp scene (destined to be a viral sensation) for the 4th time.

And then there is the castle which is actually a giant robot armed with nuclear weapons. Yes, a robot castle! This robo-csatle punches other buildings, which logically causes them to bleed.

The main reason I left feeling disappointed wasn’t the craziness of the film, there was plenty of that. No, the reason was simple. This film was made much cheaper (than the other similar films) and it was easy to spot. Almost all the blood was CGI, the set pieces are super cheap looking, and the other CGI in the film is quite bad (even by standards set in the prior films). The easy comparison is The Machine Girl, which uses CGI, but minimally and almost always cuts to real random red liquid spraying all over the place. And let’s face it, practical effects, no matter how cheesy are simply better than CGI.

Final verdict: Watch all the other crazy Japanese flicks first or just watch the trailer a million times (it has all the best parts, anyway).

Rating: 5/10

Snore Factor: ZZ (Still, not the kind of movie that allows for sleeping)

IMDB 2009


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