2010: Moby Dick

Yep, lots of this.

I would like to thank The Asylum for being awesometastic and having the foresight to finally give the world what it really needs; a cheap modern CGI version of Melville’s classic novel adapted to film, starring the mayor from Spin City. The fans of classic literature have literally been dying to see this film get its moment in the sun.

Speaking of Asylum, their canon of historically important films includes mind-blowing titles such as: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Mega Piranha, and Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (upcoming). That list got me thinking. Shouldn’t this film be titled Mega Moby Dick? Or would that be best reserved for the XXX parody? Either way, I’d watch the heck out of that movie.

There are lots of things to love about this film: Blatant disregard for physics and decompression issues, robot peg-legs, grave marker peg-legs, helicopter VS. 500-foot whale, the sidekick chick from Xena, the sheer absurdity of whale sneaking onto a beach, but the absolute best part of this film is Barrry Bostwick as Captain Jonah Ahab.

Bostwick is pure genius in his role. He spews out one-liners at an outstanding rate and plays his part so serious that it is hard to tell if he even knew he was in an Asylum flick. Half of his one-liners are pulled directly from the book. Kudos to the screenwriting team. Of course, none of the book quotes even come close to the ludicrousness that is this little exchange between Bostwick and the Scientist.

Scientist: Why would a whale act like this?

Captain Ahab: Why do babies die in their sleep?

"Moby Dick will feel the sting of our hate!"

Consider yourself served, Scientist. That line and the delivery are worth the price of the DVD alone. It’s one of those moments in film where if you were stuffing yourself (during the scene) with Pringles and Triscuits, odds of choking would increase a thousand fold.

The brilliance of setting a movie in world where decompression and lunacy don’t exist is simple. It allows for a 500-foot whale to grab a nuclear submarine like a dog toy, race about a mile to the surface, spit out the submarine onto a glacier, tear it in half and rip off Captain Ahab’s leg.  If reality was briefed even once during this scene or any point in the movie the whole shebang would have come crumbling down faster than a game of Jenga being played Michael J. Fox.

When compared to other B-creature feature movies from Asylum, 2010: Moby Dick is their best overall effort to date. It’s insane, stupid, fun and features an acting performance (Bostwick) that makes the film much more of a joy to watch than their standard fare.

Final Verdict: It’s the adaptation that we’ve all been waiting for.

Rating: 6/10

Snore Factor: ZZZ (The middle is a bit sleepy)

IMDB 2010


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