Santa Claws

From the box on the DVD this film looks like a movie involving a killer Santa skeleton. All this movie delivers, though, is nipples. Lots and lots of nipples. This movie would have fit in nicely (did it at the time?) on Skinamax in the mid-‘90s back when it was made. The only thing scary about Santa Claws is the fact that the DVD releasers are STILL pretending this is a horror film.

A scream queen on the set of her next movie is stalked by a creepy fan. In between the stalking and weirdness girls get naked. Most of them have bad silicone boob jobs, ya know, the kind that would pop if poked with a pen. I actually had fun trying to guess which of the girls may have actually had that same thing happen. It allowed me to pass some time while rooting for the movie to be over. This is a bargain basement piece of trash that should have never been seen by anyone except 14 year-old kids trying to jerk off to scrambled late night television. For connoisseurs of breasts there isn’t much to look at here because the awkward silicone bags tend to pop out and contort in strange and boner-shrinking manners.

Avoid this film at all costs unless you like turd sandwiches. When it comes to crappy softcore horror films, I will stick to Fred Olen Ray. The man does it with class and humor. Director John Russo (co-writer of the original Night of the Living Dead) fails at almost every level. The actors are wooden (as to be expected with a nipple fest like this one) and boring. All the comedy falls flat on its face and worst of all, there is almost no blood, no violence. Combined with several off camera kills (ru roh) this might be one the worst slashers I’ve seen.

Rating: 2/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZZ

IMDB 1996