Seventh Moon

Sometimes you regret watching a movie within seconds of it starting. Which was the case for this Eduardo Sanchez (Blair Witch) directed film. First things first, I was happy to see Ghost House, Sam Raimi’s company as the producers. I was also happy that the film appeared to be shot entirely in China (a refreshing change). And finally, like most gentlemen, I am pleased with the presence of Amy Smart. Ever since Road Trip and Varsity Blues she’s been on my list of hotties that I don’t mind looking at.

The bad is simple and easily recognizable. Seventh Moon is too dark and utilizes (entirely) the shaky cam cinematography to death. It’s damn near unwatchable. Shot mostly at night does not mean that using lights is optional. Seriously, this might be the darkest and hardest to follow movie I have ever seen. On the flip side, if you like several minute gaps where you stare at a dark television listening to actors pretend to be scared, then this is the film for you. Also, Amy Smart doesn’t get naked – which was something I thought was baked into all her contracts. Actually, maybe she did and you just can’t see it because it’s pitch black.

American honeymooners (Amy Smart and Tim Chiou) visit China at the wrong time of the year. Basically, that’s it. It did teach me one thing. Don’t visit China when the ghosts of the dead are allowed to roam around for a bit. Also, don’t piss off your tour guide. The rest is just an experiment in patience. It’s like a contest to see how long you can sit in front of your television and be annoyed with piss poor camera work and darkness.

What bothers me the most about this film though is it could have been really scary and unique in the horroroscape. All the pieces were there. Why the shaky cam method was chosen is beyond me. This isn’t a found footage flick. And by no means does the shakiness draw me in or make me feel more like part of the action. It did manage to take me out of the film and any possible enjoyment that I might have had.

Good job Eduardo. Way to alienate your audience. Try again. You sucked donkey balls on this one buddy.

Rating: 2/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZZ

IMDB 2008

Trailer:

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