Remember how I said good things about PG-13 horror movies yesterday? I take it back, well at least a good portion of it. I do this because of the massive pile of suck The Haunting of Molly Hartley manages to be. I mean, really? This movie is one crappy clichéd piece of teen melodrama devoid of any redeeming qualities. A better option would be spending the 85 minutes this abomination runs for plucking hairs off your taint with a pair of pliers.
Based on the title one would assume this movie is about a haunting of a girl named Molly. That would in every respect be completely and totally wrong. There is no haunting of any sort. There is, however, a character named Molly Hartley. Kudos to the filmmakers for going through the effort to fact check at least one item.
Molly, after being stabbed in the chest by her crazy mother, joins a new private school in order to get a fresh attempt at life. Molly has random panic attacks and begins to think she is crazy just like her mother. Or maybe not. That is the hook or at least it is supposed to be. Enter clichéd characters galore: The bad girl, the religious nut, and a super douchey pretty-boy boyfriend who has no business being interested in the weird new girl but still does. Then there is Molly’s dad, who is about as convincing as a turd. I don’t know what that means, but turds are not good things.
As the plot unfurls it becomes clear that the movie is going to make no sense and possibly cause brain damage to its viewers. Not a joke. It’s one of those things where I got that sick feeling in my stomach that, the same one I get from eating at Taco Bell. I knew I was going to regret it about two bites in.
There are also a grand total of zero scares and tense moments. Though close ups of random objects are routinely set to scary music. This might frighten small children or morons, but any sort of person over eight will laugh it off. Actually, that is kinda of insulting to eight year olds. I apologize dramatically.
Throw in several completely out of nowhere events near the end of the film and I had “had it up to here” as my mom would say when she was ultra-pissed. The final resolution is nears unbelievable levels of stupidity. And I have seen all of M. Night Shyamalan’s films. F*cking trees, water aliens, really?
This movie is worst.
Snore Factor: ZZZZZ (One of the absolute worst)