Now that we are down to the last 45 days or so of this project I am going to start watching more of my favorites and less junk. Well, I shouldn’t say that, I have way more fun reviewing crappy movies, but at least for today let’s talk about a good B-movie: The Blob remake.
This one pretty much has it all from an ‘80s horror connoisseurs stand point: Frank Darabont co-wrote, Shawnee Smith (‘80s dream girl) stars along with Kevin Dillon (Entourage), and the special effects are top-notch. It’s pretty much a dream team-like collaboration at every level. But the goodness doesn’t stop there. The Blob pays fantastic homage to the original film and even pokes some fun at some of the common horror tropes of ‘80s horror. It all comes together to make something special – something really special.
A meteor crash lands in a Podunk town and soon the inhabitants are being absorbed by an ever-growing pinkish blob. No one listens to the teenagers; they never do, until it’s too late. A mysterious shadow government group shows up to restore order, but not all is what it seems. Teens that wouldn’t normally be friends have to band together to save the town and the world.
Early on a teen, let’s call him Rapey McRape-a lot (Or Ben Roethlisberger for those more familiar with football), attempts to get some action from a local cutie-pie up on the point (ya know the place where teens go to make out). His rape setup seems to be going well until the Blob consumes her while he is off getting the Rohypnol ready. This would stop most rapists, but not Rapey McRape-a lot. He still goes on and begins to feel up his victim who is no longer talking or even conscious. It’s disturbing, but rest assured he gets his own in the end. You see when you rape someone you either get killed or you get Super Bowl rings.
Kevin Dillon is dead on with his role as the badass biker with a sarcastic attitude. His lines include such gems as, “Your meteor brought something alright, but if it’s a germ, it’s the biggest sonofabitch you have ever seen” and “I think the whole thing stinks.” It’s kinda like he was already auditioning for the role of a washed up former celebrity. But make no mistake, he is as perfect for the role as he is for his role in Entourage. Shawnee Smith does what she always does in movies, plays the nice damsel in distress with a tough edge to perfection. I could watch her in anything – even in that obnoxious television show Becker.
As I mentioned the effects are amazing and for the most part still hold up today. Specifically, in scenes involving the blob eating and melting people into goo – which happens frequently. The goriest scene and the one that scarred my childhood involves the blob, a very unlucky guy, and a garbage disposal. It is incredibly brutal, disgusting and completely over-the-top. And that’s before the insanely out of control movie theater sequence that features enough humor and gore to please the most discerning of fans.
Really there isn’t much that can be said, especially in the format that I write, that hasn’t already. If you have somehow missed out on this one shoot yourself or watch. Those are the only two options.
Snore Factor: Z