The Roommate

It’s of importance to note that the target audience for this movie is teenage girls who watch the CW and judge each other by what hot guy team they drool over. It’s not meant to be taken seriously by adults with brains.

Young Sara (Minka Kelly) is a fish out of water college freshman at ULA (UCLA without the C – get it!). Sara’s main qualities include trying to be roofied multiple times in the first few minutes of the film and falling for a douchey drummer (Cam Gigandet) who pretends to be in a frat even though it’s clear he’s 30. Hey buddy, this isn’t Old School. Get a job and stop preying on 18 year olds, ya damn perve. Sara’s roommate is Rebecca (Leighton Meester), who kinda looks like Alicia Silverstone during her prime, but without the Down Syndrome. Kidding. Writer’s confession: Photos of Alicia lined my locker in high school and Leighton is my current biggest celeb crush. Anyway, Rebecca’s batsh*t crazy.

One thing the director did was pre-edit the movie so it would be ready for its basic cable run on the Lifetime Network. It’s an interesting technique that may leave some baffled, but I, for one, applaud it. Why let some FCC television ratings editor take out all the on screen kills, breasts, and anything remotely interesting from your work of art when you can just do it yourself? Pretty genius move if you ask me.

This scene never takes place in the movie

If you have seen Single White Female then you are far too old to watch this film. For if you have seen it, you will quickly realize that The Roommate is nearly an identical clone. So much so that I thought up an alternate name for this Screen Gem: Single White Female…with Cell Phones. But, the studio and producers insist this isn’t a remake *wink wink*.

Of course, in any comedy, err, horror film worth it’s salt there are a few laugh out loud moments. It’s really hard to choose here, but the highlight is the random kitten abuse. Not that kitty abuse is funny (it’s not), but in a movie so devoid of risks, throwing a kitten in an industrial dryer seems equal to genocide. I can hear the tweets now, “NOOOOOOOO ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally cried when that kitten died. What the eff like how could she do that That’s effed up?” Seriously. Leighton Meester kills a kitten in this movie. Not. A. Joke.

Billy Zane (Back to the Future, Titanic, Blood Rayne) makes an appearance; the purpose though is unclear because his role was almost as worthless as both of the parents of the psychotic girl. Come to think of it, this movie might have the most throwaway roles in quite some time. Case in point:  The random lesbian fashion designer whose only purpose is to provide an unbelievable coincidence which leads to, you guessed it, a lesbian hookup. Of course, the hookup was implied. No one would want to see that kind of despicable trashy behavior in a horror flick.

Kidding aside, Leighton Meester is pretty great and acts circles around everyone else in the movie – especially considering some of the MTV-like dialogue she is dealt with. Minka Kelly and Cam Gigandet should be taken behind a woodshed and flogged for their performances. The flogging should be televised and free sandwiches should be handed out for those who attend in person.

Rating: 5/10

Snore Factor: ZZZ

IMDB 20111

Trailer:

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  • Anonymous

    But did you like it? LOL!!!