Room 6

Writer’s confession: I’ve wanted to marry Christine Taylor for some time now. Anyone remember her as the Lifeguard from Hey Dude back in Nickelodeon’s heyday? Anyway, as soon as the Ben Stiller thing blows over I am gonna make my run at her heart. That said, I’d rather be locked in a room with a rabid wolverine, who has a penchant for attacking male genitalia, than watch Room 6 again. It is as terrible as Mrs. Taylor is beautiful – which is a lot.

Where to begin? The storyline is mostly good. Christine Taylor and her boyfriend get into a car accident with none other than Jerry O’Connell (Piranha 3D) and his girlfriend. Ambulances take away both her and Jerry’s significant others leaving the two big-named actors behind. But when they go to the local hospital it appears that neither of the injured loved ones were admitted. In fact, no hospitals in the ENTIRE town have any record of them. Queue the creepy music. Through some shenanigans involving Taylor’s dreams and a Chloe Moretz we find out that they her boyfriend was admitted to a hospital run by demons doctors and nurses.

Now the story starts off very promising. The first 20 minutes or so are, at least, intriguing. I don’t think anyone would argue that point. Taylor and O’Connell team up to find their loved ones. There is much mystery and suspense. Meanwhile, Taylor’s boyfriend slowly discovers that the hospital he is in may not be on the up and up. All is very serious and frightening.

And then out of nowhere the lesbian blood-drinking nurses make an appearance. This marks the first point when something completely idiotic happens. Don’t get me wrong. I like lesbian blood-drinking nurses, but only in movies where they belong. They could not be more out of place in this flick. I thought someone had edited in 3 minutes of porn into an otherwise decent film. But I was wrong. These nurses were put there on purpose. Makes me wonder if a 16 year-old boy was involved in the making of this movie. I mean, really? Lesbian blood-drinking nurses. That’s your twist? But I was wrong again. The moronic twists were just beginning.

The biggest problem and most glaring issue is that there is no logical or even movie logical connection between Taylor and the demon hospital. It would make sense if she had a history, her family had a history, or if her boyfriend or anything in the entire world that she lived in had a connection to that specific place. Most movies of this genre have their protagonist directly tied to an event from old haunted place. Either they move in, their relatives did some misdeeds, or something in their past connects them to the place in question. In Room 6 nothing like that exists. Just random lesbian blood-drinking nurses and doctors who make bad jokes about being late to golf.

The end is of the kind of astounding stupidity that makes you regret paying $9 dollars a month for Netflix Instant. It’s like a giant f*ck you to the audience. But then again, this whole movie is exactly that. And just in case, in a moment of insanity, Christine reads this I would just like to say to her, “Hey, what up, baby girl! Give me those digits.”

Rating: 4/10

Snore Factor: ZZZZ

IMDB 2006

Trailer: