The War of the Gargantuas

Okay. There’s a green gargantua and a brown one. They are giant monster brothers. The green one subsists entirely on humans – eating them like Pez. The other is the vegetarian and a diplomat. The Japensese army wants them both dead. But the Japanese army is as terribly ineffective as they always are in monster flicks. Eventually, the good gargantua realizes his brother is a human-eating machine and decides to fight him across the Japanese landscape whilst the army gives chase. In other news, the guy from Westside Story (Russ Tamblyn) falls in love with a hottie scientist because she is like, totally hot. Also, the army lets Westside boy tell them what to do for most of the film. I figure this is because he can sing, dance and crush his Japanese friends at karaoke. Qualities of a strong military leader, no doubt.

(Spoilers) There is much action and fighting and plastic models of army vehicles being destroyed. And yes, there are plenty of Japanese people running around screaming. Honestly, who doesn’t like model tanks being chucked into Barbie-sized houses – leaving nothing but bits of rubble in their wake. Eventually, the Japanese army brings out their secret weapon which consists of a cone shaped objects that shoot laser beams. These beams, while most infective, seem to at least bother the green giant – almost killing him at one point. That is, until the brown giant comes in and waves at the army to stop, which they immediately do for reasons unbeknownst to even them. It is his brother after all and you can’t just shoot laser beams at his family members with reckless abandon. But then he goes right into beating the crap out of his brother once again.

By the time battle makes it way to Tokyo the Japanese army is prepared. Prepared to sacrifice most of its army by throwing more and more useless tanks and soldiers into the fight. But, the brothers go at it with approximately zero concern for the army. They make their way to the ocean and proceed to throw model boats at each other for a bit. Then out of nowhere an underwater volcano erupts and really sad music is played. I think it means both of them were boiled like frogs (they didn’t notice the water was just turned into lava) while punching and kicking each other into oblivion. But I don’t know for sure. Maybe they hugged and went and smoked some stoagies together.

A pretty fun non-Godzilla Japanese monster flick that is currently available on Netflix. It passed the time nicely and made me want to watch more films like it. It’s always entertaining from start to finish which is always a good thing. Give it a shot if you are in a “guys in ugly suits pretending to be giants and throwing plastic toys all around” kinda mood.

 

Rating: 6/10

Snore Factor: ZZZ

IMDB 1968

Clip of hilarity:

 

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